Guide to Better Sex
Sex, like most other
functions of our body is a normal process. As other
functions, like for example, the digestion, can be upset
by factors like a bad mood, stress or similar such
things, so can the sexual function be disturbed by a
whole lot of factors. These may not necessarily involve
the anatomy but instead it’s the mind, which makes the
If sex is allowed to
happen naturally, in a relaxed way, our bodies will
respond normally without any conscious effort on our
There are a wide variety
of problem or situations that can upset the normal
sexual responsiveness, most of them, fortunately, can be
helped in a positive manner by understanding on our
part. Here are a few of the most common amongst them and
ways to improve.
Misunderstanding and/or lack of information about sex
Its indeed one of the most
telling ironies that Sex, despite being one of the most
commonly discussed topic in our lives and in the media,
there is a surprising lack of correct information about
‘What to Expect and How to Act’.
Those images of the ‘Perfect Macho
Man and The Perfect Sensual Woman’
on the TV and in the
Magazines make us feel that Sex instead of being a
perfectly normal natural and enjoyable thing, is an ‘Act
to be Performed to Perfection’. All this does it to add
to the confusion and leads to unrealistic fears,
expectations and fantasies.
feelings about Sex and its Consequences
Fear of pregnancy;
Fear of pain; Fear of being caught / heard / or
Anxiety-Fear of failing to perform well.
Fear of losing control
(during orgasm) and /or becoming vulnerable.
during the climax.
Bad feelings about
yourself or your body like, feeling that the body
is unattractive. Feelings that I am not successful
Problems in Relationship
the partner should be resolved as it can decrease the
performance and pleasure while having sex.
While a ‘Quickie’
sometimes can be fun! But normally Good Sex requires a
relaxed mind and body. Too much of a hurry, tiredness or
preoccupation can rob you of the pleasures of Sex.
This is one of the most
significant problems in the way of Good Sex. We often
forget that Sex is something that comes naturally to all
of us, instead, we seem to view ourselves as performers
who have to complete an act to perfection.
Quite often we start
observing ourselves as an audience, instead of really
participating in it. – We observe ourselves ‘doing the
act’, as if on stage (now coming, now coming...., so
again it doesn't,...I knew it…etc.)
A Small Guide For Couple Happiness
1.You have watched them
many times tossing about under the coat, thrilling; you
have often admired them through your lover's daring
décolletages. Now, when they are offered to you
willingly, learn to profit to the full by their nectar.
Touch them with the tip of your fingers. Softly pinch
their nipples, play with these two halos. Put your both
hands on her breasts, massage them, and delicately knead
them. Now they are ready to welcome your passionate
kisses. Insist on the nipples, for they are very
sensitive and very responsive to tenderness. Even it is
small, the breast loves to be observed and adored, as it
ought to be.
2.The buttocks are always
in the centre of your attention. You often notice them
before any other part of the body. Learn how to show
them interest. Suggest your partner to lie on her belly,
thus offering you a remarkable view of her hidden
beauty. Put your both hands on her buttocks and start by
touching them tenderly, then, making circular movements,
move away and draw near these so exciting round parts.
This is an erogenous zone which few are aware of.
Massage the sacrum, gently press the coccyx, and then
slowly massage downwards. So as to make her enjoy your
caresses more, ask your partner to curve a little and
you will thus admire her as much as you wish.
3. Caress her breasts with
your penis. Before penetrating the already wet cave of
your partner who is at the climax of excitation, caress
her in a less usual manner, but an extremely sensual
one. Lie over her after she lies on her back, then
imitate the moves of penetration. The penis being
already hard, hitting and at the same time touching her
tenderly, these caresses are enough to overwhelm her. So
touch her breasts with your penis, prick her delicately
in her navel, in the clitoris, touch her most erogenous
zone. The atmosphere is getting hotter and hotter and
the lubricated liquid that runs out from her vagina is
driving you crazy.
4. Her beautiful sex being
already prepared by your attentive care, you could now
be more concerned with the clitoris. For the beginning
touch it tenderly with your tongue, softly, then more
and more forcible, more insistently. Kiss it, bite it
softly, and delicately caress it with your tongue. Seize
it with your lips as if you wanted to inspire it, while
with your tongue you hit it jerky and tenderly at the
5. Move away her labia
using your forefingers and with your thumb touch the
clitoris more and more insistently. This type of
stimulation is often enough to make many women to reach
the orgasm .
6. Encourage her to
stimulate herself. Having her in your view all the time,
with sensual pleasure relish the fingers you have used
to stimulate her clitoris. You might also encourage her
to stimulate herself. For the beginning direct her hand
towards her breasts, then towards her belly, and finally
towards her sex. Let her express herself freely, just
watch her, encourage her with a word, a moan of pleasure
and admiration. Then start to caress her in order to
show her how much excited you are by what she does.
7. When she comes over
you, you must know how to stoop like a real horse. Lift
the pelvis with strength, make some circular movements.
Leaning on your shoulders and feet, lift the pelvis a
little bit higher so that your lover should feel safe in
the saddle. Keep staying in this position as long as
possible. As soon as feel tired and come back to the
previous position, your lover will fall from the saddle
right in your arms.
8. Lift her pelvis. If she
is impatient and eager to make love, but a little bit
lazier, put some pillows under her buttocks. Or, in
order to offer her even more pleasure, you could hold
her in this position, taking advantage of this occasion
to sensually massage her buttocks.
Some Common Misconception About Sex
penis can become erect at very early stage,
especially in a young man. This does not mean that
he is necessarily ready for intercourse and he may
start too soon - before his partner feels ready. She
may become anxious as she feels she is keeping him
may remain hidden especially in lying down
positions. Both partners may assume she is not
responding, when in fact she is. Penis gives a more
obvious signal which the vagina may not.
Arousal comes in waves
in both the man and the woman. This is normal. The
decline doesn't mean that something is wrong.
(coming too soon, before the partner is ready) is
normal in young men, particularly when very much
aroused. Control comes with learning and practice.
Many women may not
have orgasm but are fully responsive. This doesn’t
mean that they are frigid.
relationships may not have orgasms in women.
Partners need not worry. Anxiety further inhibits
The husband snoring
one minute after ejaculating can produce resentment
if the wife is still feeling the need for intimacy.
The men have their refractory period (time during
which sexual arousal is difficult) very fast. Woman
need not feel upset (as if being used as a sleeping
pill) - you can wake up your husband sometimes and
let him know.
Cultivate Your Sexual Energy Through
The most important thing,
before learning how to cultivate your sexual energy
through self-stimulation is to realize the necessity of
cultivating your love.
The sacred vision of
sexuality is essential in every sexual practice.
Therefore, in the absence of love, this feeling of
Consequently, love is the
foundation of each sexual practice and it is love that
grows in intensity and becomes more refined.
Thus, through the
practice, one may get to experience the pure, archetypal
love of the union of the masculine and feminine
principles, a love that is also the foundation of
Your Love Grow
Many men practice
self-stimulation, but very few use this opportunity to
make their love grow. This is an easy task if you
realize that inside each man there is also a feminine
aspect, just as inside each woman there is a masculine
This is obvious on a
physical level due to the fact that women and men have
both male and female hormones. Likewise, on a
psychological level, any man has a female part inside of
him, and every woman has a masculine side.
The degree of awareness
and manifestation of this complementary aspect differs
from person to person. Nonetheless, each of us may
develop it through awareness.
This aspect is relevant
for the issue we discuss in the sense that while
masturbating, you may think that you are actually making
love to your feminine counterpart.
This feminine counterpart
bears the name, according to K.G. Jung, of ANIMA, while
the male counterpart present in each woman is named
A perfect lover also loves
himself in a healthy way, not because of narcissism or
other psychological disturbances.
The cultivation of sexual
energy mainly refers to its growth in quantity and
intensity. This is an important aspect, because sexual
energy is the energetic base of any experience we may
have, be it of an affectionate, mental or spiritual
Consequently, a great
quantity of sexual energy is a powerful current source
for our physical states, both positive and negative.
This is the reason for which it is highly important that
you always keep a happy, optimistic inner attitude,
regarding your feelings and thoughts.
Sexual energy intensifies
love, if love is what you feel. If what you feel is
hatred, your hate will be even more intense and
An essential aspect is
understanding the manner in which the sexual energy
"nourishes" your emotions, both in your individual
practice as well as in a couple.
Growing your sexual energy
in the previously discussed manner and associating it
with the energy of love will also help you avoid
ejaculation. The direct consequence is obvious, as you
know from your own experience that it is a lot more
difficult to be in control when you feel anxious or
The tantric tradition
includes an exercise that implies the visualization of
an energetic channel connecting the genial area to the
heart area, during lovemaking. Thus, the sexual energy
will be sublimated at the level of "nourishing" the love
you will experience then.
Here is another experience
of a man practicing sexual continence:
"Before I began my
practice with sexual continence, I used to wish that I
could separate sex from emotions. Nonetheless, since I
started this practice, I have discovered that my sexual
organs are much more connected to my heart. I discovered
that I have a deep and real feeling of love for my
beloved and even for other people as well."
He Taoists have a simple
exercise in order to "connect" your "heart" with your
"genital area", or in other words to connect your love
and your sexuality in a harmonious manner.
If ever you should feel
irritated, frustrated or distracted before lovemaking,
perform this exercise:
Place you right hand on
the genital area and your left hand on the heart area,
thus making a "connection" between the two areas of your
If you used to have states
of irritation or anger, it is recommend that you learn
to control and then even transform these negative
feelings before you start the practice.
In order to help this
transformation along, we recommend the Hatha Yoga
asana-s, because they make the sexual energy circulate
through your entire body, eliminating blockages.
Loving yourself - a
feeling quite different from egocentrism and narcissism
- is important in one's tantric practice. In the
following, you will be introduced to a self-pleasing
exercise that will help you extend your sensual pleasure
and focus throughout your whole body.
You will also learn other
complex exercises that will allow you to control your
level of arousal and even to experience multiple
However, all these
exercises are based on the idea of becoming aware of
your own pleasure and sensuality, and therefore the
first object of our study is self-stimulation.
If you succeed in
experiencing the involuntary contractions of the PC
muscle and not ejaculating, you are on the right path to
becoming a multiple orgasm man. If you have two such
orgasms, you are already a multi-orgasmic man.
In the beginning, it is
natural that these orgasms will not shatter the earth,
but it is also possible that they will spread through
your entire body. Enjoy the thrills of those
A practitioner of sexual
continence describes his experience as follows:
"When I feel close to the
point of non-return, I usually stop, relax and take a
deep breath. It is as if I abandon myself in a
non-ejaculatory orgasm. Sometimes I perceive it as a
pleasant contraction of the prostate. Other times I
perceive it in my genitalia and this orgasm is almost as
intense - or even more intense - than an ejaculatory
Self- Stimulation Exercise
1. Start by lubricating
your penis very well. The lubricant will intensify your
sensations. Oil is especially recommended, because
lotions dry to easily.
2. Start to caress your
body as you please, also massaging your scrotum,
testicles and the penis on its entire length, as well as
the pelvic floor, including the point placed between the
anus and the sexual organs.
3. Try to become aware of
your levels of arousal. Notice the tingling that may
appear at the base of the penis, the stages in your
erection, and your cardiac rhythm.
4. When you feel close to
ejaculation, stop and rest. Notice the contraction of
the PC muscle, and do not be surprised if some time will
pass before you will be able to experience those
contractions without ejaculating. You may also squeeze
the PC muscle around the prostate, if the prostate
begins to contract and you fear ejaculation.
5. After you feel you
regained full control over your excitement, start
caressing again and continue as long as you feel
About Sex For Young People
One of the most recent
studies done by the Kinsley Institute in the USA reached
the conclusion that a man usually ejaculates 5.000 times
during a lifetime and they estimated that this
corresponds to approximately 16 liters of sperm.
Thus, according to
specialists in the area, a young man of 15 ejaculates
five times a week, and at 30 years three times a week.
statistics performed by sexology-researchers have
indicated that one man discharges about 200 to 500
billion of spermatozoa during one ejaculation.
ejaculation may conceive the entire population of the
USA, a fact that confirms the idea that man has a stock
of sexual energy even more powerful than the atomic
bomb. The question that comes out naturally is the
following: what would a man who does not ejaculate be
capable of and how would he use this energy. He could
easily become a superman!
However, before starting
your practice in the area of the sexual continence, you
should find out more about the priceless treasure that
you have within.
the ejaculatory liquid normally contain sperm?
Yes, except in
pathological cases, the ejaculatory liquid contains:
lubricating liquid, spermatic liquid, prostate liquid
and sometimes a little urine.
2. In the
moment of the ejaculation, do the testicles come up
towards the body?
Yes. Usually, the left
testicle of men is smaller than the right one and hangs
lower. During ejaculation, the muscles that sustain the
testicles contract and thus the testicles are drawn
towards the abdomen.
They may even leave the
scrotum, and climb up towards the abdomen. There is
nothing to worry about, because after a short moment of
relaxation they come back to their place. If this should
not happen, check with your physician.
3. Can the
volume of sperm become greater for procreation purposes?
This usually happens if the man does not make love for 7
days beforehand. The quantity of sperm builds up and
when the discharge takes place, the sperm will be in
orgasm imply ejaculation?
No. By training your PC
muscles and practicing to control your genitals, you
will find out that you are capable of discerning between
orgasm as a complex psychic state and ejaculation, as a
mundane physical act.
This allows a man to
experience several states of orgasm without experiencing
the unpleasant and undesirable effects of repeated
The oriental theme of
sexual continence clearly explains the difference
between orgasm and ejaculation and offers practical
solutions to get here.
the sperm always contain spermatozoa?
No. Maybe due to testicle
related problems, or to an obstruction of the channel
that allows the sperm to get out of the body, the
spermatic level may not contain spermatozoa.
Vasectomy, the surgical
obstruction of the spermatic channels prevents the
spermatozoa from passing towards the seminal testicles
and is sometimes used as a contraceptive method.
6. Can the
sperm change its color?
Yes. In the case of a
urinary infection, the sperm may become yellowish, and
in case of hemorrhage it becomes pink, or even red. Any
change in the sperm color should be a clear sign of
trouble so please check with a specialist.
tight pants prevent the secretion of sperm?
Yes. Tight pants keep the
testicles close to the rest of the body and thus their
temperature rises. The temperature of the testicles
should normally be 2 degrees below the temperature of
the rest of the body in order for sperm to be produced.
swallowing the sperm transmit the germs it might
Yes. If the sperm contains
pathogen germs, they will be transmitted though the
digestive mucous of the woman and carry on the
infection. Therefore, this is a way of transmitting many
sperm be used to identify a man?
Yes. The sperm is a
genuine genetic print; the smell, taste and consistency
are different and unique for each man.
larger testicles contain more sperm than smaller
Yes, and this is because
they contain more channels required for its production.
The principle according to which capacity determines
quantity applies here as well.
Do women perceive a man's ejaculation inside their
Not necessarily. The
lubrication of the vagina during intercourse reduces to
a minimum its capacity of distinguishing between the
liquids present inside. Most of the time, the woman
anticipate the moment of ejaculation because of the
contractions of the penis that precede this moment.
the quantity of sperm decreases with age?
Because of repeated ejaculation, the secretions of the
glands decrease. Another reason for this is the decrease
of the number of hormones and the weakening of the
one ejaculate even if he does not have an erection?
Yes. Men suffering from
impotence may ejaculate in the absence of a flow of
blood that usually causes the penis to swell and become
the volume of the sperm reach 4 ml?
Yes. However, this volume
is different from man to man and depends on
drugs influence ejaculation?
Yes. The drugs used in
neuropsychological treatments (neurological,
anti-depressives) may have this side effect. However,
most treatments of this kind inhibit sperm secretion.
is the average penis size?
Penis size differs from
person to person. The average length when erect is
10-18cm (4-7in) although there maybe some variation
between different races and nationalities.
penis is curved. Is that normal?
It is quite normal for a
man's penis to curve or lean slightly to the right or
the left when erect. Many men's penises will curve
upwards too. However, if the penis suddenly develops a
lump which causes it to bend abnormally, it should
probably be checked by a doctor. It may be a sign of a
condition called Peyronie's disease, which isn't life
threatening, but may be uncomfortable and require treatment.
my vagina look the way it should?
Vaginas come in all different shapes and sizes, just as
other parts of the body do, so there is no set way that
a vagina should look.
A woman's sex organs are
protected by two thick folds of skin or "lips" called
the outer labia. Inside these is another set of lips
known as the inner labia. These are thinner than the
outer labia and are usually slightly different lengths.
In some women the inner labia will stick out below the
outer labia. In other women it will be the other way
round. Women also have a clitoris, which is a small
sensitive bump a little way above the urethra (urine
hole) and the entrance to the vagina.
19. How do
you ask someone out?
You could start off by
simply smiling, making eye contact and saying hello. If
they notice you, you could then think about taking
things further. Look for clues about their interests, as
these can be a good starting point for conversations. If
they seem happy to chat, you could then introduce
yourself and eventually work up to meeting for lunch, a
coffee, or a trip the cinema etc.
Even though it can be
nerve-racking asking somebody out, don't try too hard to
make an impression. The most important thing really is
to be relaxed and be yourself: that way they will know
your interest is genuine. Even if the person concerned
doesn't seem interested, at least you will know you
sexual intercourse hurt the first time?
First time sex can be
painful, as the penis entering the vagina can stretch or
tear the hymen (the thin layer of skin that partially
covers the entrance to the vagina). Not all girls have
hymens (they may have been born without one or may have
broken it through sport or inserting tampons earlier in
life) but if they do and it tears, a girl may bleed a
little. She may also find this bleeding continues the
next few times she has sex, although once the tear has
healed, she shouldn't have any further problems.
Being nervous and tense
the first time can mean a girl does not produce enough
natural lubrication to allow easy penetration. Nerves
can also cause the muscles in a girl's vagina to tense
up, making penetration difficult. Both of these problems
can make sex more painful.
there anything I can do to reduce the pain the first
time I have sex?
The most important thing
you can do to reduce the pain is to relax. Being
relaxed, and absolutely sure you're doing the right
thing means you're less likely to involuntarily tighten
your vaginal muscles, and more likely to produce natural
vaginal lubrication. You could also try using a
lubricant, as this will make penetration easier. However
if you are using condoms, you must use a water-based
lubricant such as KY Jelly (available from most
supermarkets and chemists). An oil-based lubricant like
Vaseline will cause the latex of the condom to
sure I am ready to have sex yet.
It is really important not
to be pressurized into having sex when you really don't
want to. Just because your friends say that they are
doing it doesn't mean they actually are. There is no
'right' age to start having sex. What is important is
choosing a time that is right for you. There are many
ways in which you can give and receive sexual pleasure
without having sexual intercourse.
Thinking through all the implications of having sex can
be a useful way of helping you arrive at a decision.
There are lots of reasons why people don't want to have
sex. Being pushed into having sex when you don't want to
could mean you might regret it later on.
Although it can be hard to
say what you want, it is also important to talk to your
partner before you sleep together for the first time. As
a rule, if you can't talk about sex, then you're not
ready to have it yet. Try and be open about how you're
feeling. Talking to each other will increase your
confidence and reassure you that you both care about
each other and are looking after each other's feelings.
Also, it gives you the opportunity to talk about things
that you might be worried about. Remember, even if you
feel ready for sex, your partner might not, so always
give them the chance to be honest with you.
there a "safe time" to have sexual intercourse?
There is no safe time to
have unprotected sex if you wish to avoid pregnancy and
Sexually Transmitted Diseases. STDs can be transmitted
whenever an infected person has sex with an uninfected
person, and pregnancy is always a possibility, even
during a girl's period. Although women are generally
only fertile for a few days every month (usually around
the middle of the menstrual cycle), most women have no
definite way of knowing when this is. Sperm can also
survive inside the body for several days, meaning a
woman can potentially become pregnant over quite a long
period of time. If she has irregular periods, "safe"
days can be particularly difficult to predict. Some
couples do use the so called 'rhythm' method as a form
of contraception, but the success rate is not high, and
it also offers no protection from STDs.
girl still get pregnant if a boy pulls out before he
If a boy pulls his penis
out before he ejaculates, the girl can still become
pregnant. Sperm can be present in pre-come (the
lubricating fluid that leaks from the penis before and
during sex) and just a small amount in or around the
vagina can be enough to make a woman pregnant.